Kristen as: Mary Lane
Other Cast: Christian Campbell, Neve Campbell, Alan Cumming
Director: Andy Fickman
Genre: Musical / Comedy / Drama
Written by: Kevin Murphy & Dan Studney
Production Status: Released
Release Date: April 16, 2005 (USA)
Rated: R
Runtime: 109 min

Plot Outline:

This film tells the tale of the Harper Affair, in which young Jimmy Harper finds his life of promise turn into a life of debauchery and murder thanks to the new drug menace marijuana. Along the way he receives help from his girlfriend Mary and Jesus himself, but always finds himself in the arms of the Reefer Man and the rest of the denizens of the Reefer Den.

• The high school is named after Harry J. Anslinger, the first Commissioner of the U.S. Bureau of Narcotics (1932), known as the Father of the Drug War.
• Kristen Bell, Christian Campbell, and John Kassir all reprise their Off-Broadway roles. Robert Torti only reprises his role as Jesus, all of his other roles are played by Steven Weber.
• This is one of the most complicated musicals filmed for television. The movie contains sixteen musical sequences, several complex large-scale dance numbers, and cast members that are proud to display their actual singing voices.
• The more than 800 costumes were created by a dedicated team of 12 dyers, sewers and cutters, in addition to a group of seamstresses in Lithuania that worked on costumes for several weeks.
• The number 420 can be spotted several times in the film. It appears as a house number, on a sign in the church, as a time of day in the Reefer Den (when Mae and Jack go out for Chinese) and on the town sign at the very end of the film.
• The credits list “Dead Old Man” as a production studio in conjunction with Apolloscreen. “Dead Old Man” is the name of a song in the original stage production.

Mary Lane: I think I’ve been shot!
[collapses, Sally screams]
Sally DeBains: She fell down!

Mary Lane: Say, is this a fraternity sweater? Is Jimmy hanging out with college boys?
Ralph Wiley: Why, yes, yes, he is. We at Phi Beta Cannabis were so taken with Jimmy, we decided to pledge him… early… while he’s still in high school… to avoid the rush.
Mary Lane: Well, that’s the bee’s knees! Wait ’til that Suzy Mayberry hears about this!
Ralph Wiley: Let’s celebrate… with a smoke!
Mary Lane: Hold on! This isn’t that reefer I’ve read about, is it?
Ralph Wiley: Oh, no, of course not. This is a special cigarette. All the rage with the college girls… in Paris.
Mary Lane: Paris?
Ralph Wiley: Oh, yes.
Mary Lane: Well, if I’m going to be dating a fraternity man…
[Ralph shoves a reefer stick in her mouth]

[Ralph, hallucinating, opens a closet door and sees Satan sodomizing Mary]
Mary Lane: Remember me, Ralph? I’ve been sent to hell! A pubescent edition of Jezebel. It hurts a lot to bend! But, at least, I’ve made a friend.
Ralph Wiley: Shut up!
Satan: You murdered her, Ralph!
Mary Lane: Murdered me!
Ralph Wiley: Murdered you!
Jimmy: Murdered me!
Ralph Wiley: Murdered them!
Jack Stone: [to Mae] What’s eating him?
Ralph Wiley: Jack! I saw Satan! And the kid. And Satan! And the girl. And *Satan*!

Mary Lane: [singing after smoking a joint] I feel a little naughty.
Ralph Wiley: Baby I’ll help you relax!
[giggles]
Mary Lane: I’ll tie you up with phone cord. We’ll play with whips and nipple clips and candle wax!
Ralph Wiley: Now hold on, Mary Sunshine. Let’s not get carried away!
Mary Lane: Just call me Mary Juana and Mary’s got some scary little games to play! I’ll lather you up…
Ralph Wiley: Who, me?
Mary Lane: And give you a shave…
Ralph Wiley: *Shave*?
Mary Lane: I’ll paddle you while straddling my little slave!
Ralph Wiley: Hey, now!
Mary Lane: Down on your knees! It’s pointless to fight! Save your strength, it’s gonna be a lengthy night!
Ralph Wiley: Help! This crazy tomato’s raping me!

Mary Lane: Jimmy, what are you doing here in the middle of the night? It’s almost nine p.m.!

Mary Lane, Ralph Wiley: [Mary has just taken her first hit] Goodbye Mary Sunshine! Reefer has blown out her mind! She’s now a hot-head hussy!
Mary Lane: Don’t you run! I’m not done! Can’t you tell we’ve just begun? What’s your rush? You’re not having fun?
Ralph Wiley: No, I’m really not!
Mary Lane, Ralph Wiley: Mary, Mary Sunshine! Burned for, yearned for dirty life!
[Mary stuffs Ralph's mouth with an apple and straddles him]
Ralph Wiley: Mmmph?
Mary Lane: Shut up, bitch!

Mary Lane: Is your finger swollen? Are you putting on weight?
Jimmy: Maybe. Lately, I seem to be hungry all the time.
Mary Lane: A moment on the lips, forever on the hips!

Mary Lane: Jimmy, is something wrong?
Jimmy: [Extremely high] Why? Should something be wrong? Stop hounding me! Stop… hounding… me!
Mary Lane: I didn’t think I was, I… Oh, it’s me, isn’t it? You don’t love me anymore. You haven’t even tried to kiss in almost a week.
Jimmy: Kiss? Is *that* what you want? Let me show *you* a few new moves!
[Jimmy pushes Mary down and gags her with his tongue]
Mary Lane: [Jumps up] That was your tongue! Jimmy Harper, what’s come over you?

Mary Lane, Jimmy: We are just like Romeo and Juliet! We’re happy, young and bubbling with love!

Mary Lane: [dying] We are just like Romeo and Juliet. We’re happy, young and…
[coughs]
Mary Lane: …hemorrhaging blood!

Jimmy Harper: I can’t wait to read the ending!
Mary Lane: I can’t either! But I bet it turns out real swell! I bet Romeo marries his Juliet…
Jimmy Harper: They have a baby
Mary Lane: And make lots of friends!
Mary Lane, Jimmy Harper: That’s prob’ly the way the play ends!

Jimmy: You fill my life with all the colors/Of the Sunday funnies/Innocent splendor/Kisses so tender/Softer than a pillow stuffed with bunnies!
Mary Lane: Bunnies? I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I like the sound of it!